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  • Robert & McKenzie

Steps to Adoption: The Match

Part 6

Steps to adoption in pink and step 6 in black

Disclaimer: The steps I describe in this series are the steps we took toward adoption. This is our perspective on the steps to adoption.

By now you have your finances figured out, what agency/consultant you’re using, home study complete, profile created and have been waiting. Then out of the blue you get a call from your agency that an expectant mother wants to speak to you. So what happens now?

Well a few things could happen. Maybe the expectant mother is deciding between a few families and wants to speak with you before your decision. Or she has chosen you and ready to speak with you.

A Phone Call

So what do you do on the phone call with the expectant mother whether it’s “interview” you or move down the adoption path? Be yourself. Focus on her and not the baby. Ask her questions about herself and as things move forward you can ask about the baby. This relationship is very important so treat it like you would if you were getting to know a new friend. Be open with her as well and allow her to ask any questions. You both are nervous so take some deep breathes and take it a moment at a time.


Once the expectant mother has chosen you then depending on her comfort level, you will have daily, weekly or monthly communication. Some birth mothers choose to only communicate with the agency or attorneys and that is okay. If the expectant mother is close to delivery, you will move forward with attorneys (to be discussed in another blog post). The communication path should remain open but do not be alarmed if the expectant mother is not as communicative as you are. She is living her life and you are more focused on the adoption the she is. This is not always the case but I have seen it many times.

After the match is made, things do not become less emotional or nerve wrecking. I would argue it intensifies. You have to take it one day at a time and roll with what comes your way.

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